downtime

down time

floating serenely
held by a warm embrace with you
so easy to flow down time
feeling secure in the future
not knowing you had swallowed razors in the form of lies
how you survived internal laceration
as you reaped the consequences
is still beyond my understanding

how does a person function
in the aftermath of deception
dodging and dashing when questions
lifted their heads to stare
as you struck another pose

blinded by utter faith in your love
following the furrows you had plowed in my future
looking for the crop of years ahead to for my reaping
believing always that rain would come
and sun would shine
for all my years

then you began to shake and shudder
at the hint of a shadow in your sunny demeanor
i held hope high and helped as if it could make a difference
after it all started to tumble down around us
razors flying out your mouth
as i dodged damnation

shallow cuts not killing outright
shapes like glyphs grew on my face
questioning the need for this pain
while trying to assign blame elsewhere
blame for bad time, belief for loves true vocation
blinded bloodied bullied bereft
believing still
in you

lost love leaves behind
weary months wearing wishful thinking
like armor against the war
spearing this and that to carry
a burden too heavy to bear
belief broken

even now looking with the minds’ eye
traceries of scars half healed in my soul
patterns become clear and close
readable undesrtanding begs to be bought
by a lost dream that lingers
in love’s fading light

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