Standing and looking

The last couple of months I’ve been struggling with attachment to my ex husband, and also with thinking bout contacting him once the Order for Protection has expired. I spent most of March with my dear friends in Winnipeg.  I find that I can challenge myself while up there, far away from the people who are responsible for all the heartaches and dislocation I have suffered in the last few years.

Last August I managed to stop feeling totally heartbroken over losing my marriage. What I continued to struggle with was attachment to my ex. I felt for a long time that I was kind of in waiting mode re the OP, and had recurrent thoughts and feelings about what talking to him and seeing him would be like. My answer to that question always ended up with a negative exchange with him and hurt feelings.

After I came back to Minneapolis thing continued for about a week. A realization formed; I don’t have to see him or talk to him. Furthermore, I don’t have to ask myself anymore what might happen.

My body was always smarter than me, or at least quicker to sound off. I approached the beginning of several panic attacks, maneuvered my way out of that state, and by the time I came back to Minneapolis I was about halfways to being certain that I did not to contact him just because I could. The last couple of weeks have even fairly tranquil for me. I commented to my therapist that I felt weird what with all the emotion I had carried around for so long.

I decided to try thought experiments, thinking about talking to or seeing Nate, and my body replied with feelings of nausea. ‘Nuff said. It makes me sick to think about having anything to do with him.






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