Stuck

I can’t afford to get better and get a job.

Right now I am poor and will remain so for some time. I have health care through the State of Minnesota, and I just received an award letter so I will be getting Social Security disability every month. I also receive some SNAP benefits (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program).

It occurred to me months ago that my medical coverage is worth more than I was earning before I became disabled. There’s a weird sense that maybe I can’t afford to get better, or can’t afford to get a job.

For now, I am content to receive benefits, and I don’t anticipate becoming well enough to work in the near future. The thing that bothers me is that I might still be well enough to work if I had been able to get coverage back when I was employed. My job as a PCA did not have an option for health care coverage or any other benefit for that matter. It was the most rewarding job I ever had, and I would still be doing it if I could.

I’m not going to kick and scream; I will find contentment in retirement and try to provide my muses with plenty of opportunities for expression, while keeping in mind the fact that I am contributing by sharing my artistic, musical, and literary gifts. It’s the best I can do for now.

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